s a native son, I know that it doesn’t take much to get the average Alabamian excited. Double coupon day at Kroger will do it; the opening of a Super Wal-Mart; an Elvis sighting; a batch of Georgia lottery tickets smuggled in by a coworker and sold at cost. But I was amazed at the reception Microsoft CEO Bill Gates got when he came to Alabama last week. You’d have thought Oprah was on trial here for badmouthing grits, the way people were carrying on. One particularly- impressed fellow gushed, “I just shook the hand of the richest man in the world! I may never wash my hand again!”
Partner, you need a hobby. Try aisle 5.
Maybe all the ruckus was because Billy Bob Gates (his honorary Alabama name) came to Dixie to give away money, something we Alabamians will stand in line to see, especially if there’s a chance we might get a buck or two. Gates donated $2.7 million to pay for computers and Internet access for Alabama public libraries in an effort to bring cyberspace to underprivileged Alabamians. A noble gesture, but I’ll bet the underprivileged would have just preferred the cash.
I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, but Bill Gates coughing up $2.7 million is the monetary equivalent of me digging for change in my sofa. Consider these numbers: Bill’s estimated worth is $48 billion. That’s a 48 and a whole bunch of zeros. On average, Bill earns $120 per second, $7,200 per minute, $432,000 per hour, $10,368,000 per day, $72,576,000 per week, $3.7 billion per year. Poor sap. I guess I shouldn’t be too hard on him. Imagine what the IRS does to him every April 15.
Bill and his entourage (which included his wife and three bodyguards specially trained to handle terrorist pie attacks) visited two Alabama libraries that were recipients of his donation: one in Selma, another in Demopolis. Then it was off to Montgomery for a meeting with our beloved Governor Fobio James. It was on the way to Montgomery that Bill ran into another great American: Delbert Lee Knox.